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You don’t even need to be conscious to do this, so you certainly don’t need all the bells and whistles of modern technology.
Cheating literally cannot happen without first engaging in this behavior, and we all know how long that’s been around.
On the flip side, if you find yourself to be the person who is always on the receiving end of these dating behaviors, consider that it’s because you are actually being dishonest in another way.
Are you expecting behaviors out of a person you’ve gone on three dates with that you have not actually performed yourself?
Do you remember looking through your parents’ old photos: teased hair, mesh tights, and dads wearing eyeliner in the 1980s?
While you were poking fun at their ridiculous relationship antics and freaky fashions, you may never have expected that one day you’d have a myriad of even stranger things to explain to your little ones!
That’s right, even crazier than that 80s perms and 90s tie-dye.
Maybe we could call it “Apple Updating” because you’re getting all of the information but in order for it to work, you’re probably going to have to delete some storage. Like, “There’s a new version of me available that is starting to fall in love with this other person I met after we started talking, but if it doesn’t work out with them I’ll totally still bang you but not text as much. ” or “You know how we didn’t use condoms the last time we had sex?
How many times have you been out drinking with a friend, listening to her vent about a guy who ghosted her as she swipes through potential Bumble Matches?
The cycle of misleading and wall building is able to continue because we are all contributing to the biggest act of dishonesty of all, which is expecting someone we hardly know to be a better person than we are.
Again, think of how many times you or someone you know has said, “yeah but I would think they would tell me if…” about a person they just started seeing.
This assumption of disclosure could be anything ranging from that they’re in a serious relationship with someone or maybe that they’re only looking for sex and may never call you again. You could just as easily date a person who would be horrified to find out you have a history of bankruptcy or be judgy about how many partners you’ve had, or by something else you don’t think is necessary to tell them.
So since we must exist in the world of fluid morality, how do we find a person who most closely matches ours? If someone isn’t giving you what you need after one or two dates, consider that you probably aren’t doing it for them either, so in a weird way it’s kind of mutual.